Written By David Gomez, Local Journalism Initiative Reporter
MIDDLESEX COUNTY - When author Donna Costa sat down to write about her mother’s struggle with Alzheimer’s, she did not begin with the intent of publishing a book. What started as therapeutic short stories written late at night gradually evolved into If I Could Remember: Bears & Brains & Caring for My Mother. The memoir blends caregiving experiences with her mother’s journals, newspaper columns, and even a fictional cast of teddy bears to explore the difficult realities of Alzheimer’s disease. Today, as a writer and president of the London Writers Society — a group that includes many Middlesex County writers — Costa shares how writing became both a lifeline and a way to honour her mother’s memory.
Reporter: I would like to know a little bit more about the process and the content of your book. What is it about?
Donna Costa, writer and London Writers Society President: It is a memoir. I actually started with short stories that I wrote when I began caring for my mom, who had Alzheimer’s. Writing was therapeutic — a way to vent, to record what was happening. Some of those stories were published in literary magazines and even shortlisted for contests. I decided to weave them together with excerpts from my mom’s journals and her newspaper columns. She handmade teddy bears and had them everywhere in her condo. While she slept, I started writing about those bears, even giving some of them Alzheimer’s as a way to talk about aspects of the disease that my mother and I might not have been experiencing ourselves.
R: So, you became a caregiver because of your mom, right?
Donna Costa: Yes. When she was diagnosed, she still lived in her own condo. I drove back and forth — an hour and a half each way — sometimes staying days at a time, especially in winter storms. Eventually, I asked her to stay with us. She agreed and lived here for three years until she died.
R: You mentioned your mother’s columns. Did they reveal anything about her community life?
Donna Costa: They were usually lighthearted, but they let readers see her as a person. I didn’t want to focus only on the physical decline of Alzheimer’s. She was vibrant — after I married, she went back to school, got her diploma, took bookkeeping and writing courses, and started doing all this other work. It was quite an accomplishment.
R: Family members often suffer alongside patients. Can you describe that?
Donna Costa: It was exhausting, like being on call 24/7. Even when my mom went to bed, I’d be listening for her. You become less social. At a certain point you can no longer leave the person alone. Covid made it even harder to get a break, even when we had PSWs. Consistency matters with Alzheimer’s, but there was a huge turnover of staff. Imagine someone you don’t know bathing you. It creates stress, hurt, anger. Those were very difficult moments.
R: The teddy bears seem to echo childhood. Was that intentional?
Donna Costa: Yes. There’s definitely regression to childhood in Alzheimer’s. In one chapter, I describe pushing my mother in the park, which reads like I’m pushing a toddler in a stroller. Teddy bears are comforting and give a degree of separation — it’s not you or your mother, it’s a teddy bear with Alzheimer’s. That helps readers approach hard topics.
R: You have spoken about the role reversal — from daughter to caregiver. How did that feel?
Donna Costa: It was difficult. We are used to looking to our parents for comfort. Suddenly we are the ones providing it. But I was raised to take care of each other. I saw it as returning the care and love my parents gave me at the start of life.
R: You are also a holistic practitioner. Did that shape your approach?
Donna Costa: Yes. My book is divided into four sections — my heart, my brain, my soul and my song. In “my brain” I look at factors that might contribute to Alzheimer’s: diet, toxins like lead or aluminium, medications. With my mom we tried natural thyroid instead of synthetic. I can’t say it slowed the progression, but we explored those possibilities.
R: What happened after your mother passed away?
Donna Costa: At first it was a relief not to have that constant worry. But I am thankful I did what I did. It helped me connect with my mother at a heart level, even when she couldn’t verbalize it. It resolved issues from my teen years and strengthened our relationship.
R: And the writing process itself?
Donna Costa: It was therapeutic. I could write out anger or frustration. There is healing in doing something creative, like writing, art, or dance. It also documented moments I would forgotten, including happy ones. My mom passed in 2022; the book was released in 2025 after editing. So about three years after her death it was ready.
R: If you could say something to your mom now, after writing this book, what would it be?
Donna Costa: Just, “I love you and thank you.” That question came up for me while writing — should I be telling these stories? I even consulted a channeler. The message from my mom was: go ahead, I am behind you 100 per cent. I don’t think I would have released it if she were still alive, but now I believe she endorses it and wants me to succeed.
Through her memoir, Donna Costa opens a window into the realities of Alzheimer’s caregiving — the exhaustion, the role reversal, but also the unexpected laughter and healing. By weaving her mother’s words with her own, and by turning teddy bears into unlikely storytellers, she preserves not just memories but also the bond that carried them through hardship. For Costa, writing became both survival and tribute. For readers, If I Could Remember offers comfort, recognition, reciprocity, and a reminder that even in loss, love and creativity endure.
